potty training: what i did wrong...and finally got right

She did it!
She's potty trained!
I have been waiting for this moment with bated breath!

I introduced the idea to Annaleigh when she was a few months past her 2nd birthday.  To be honest...I thought she was ready.  I read books.  I read blogs.  I read websites.  I talked to Mamas who have been through this stage of life with their own littles.  And all the signs seemed to point to her readiness.  And to top it off...she would cry whenever I put a diaper on her.  She hated them.

But what should have been a sign to me that she was no where near ready...was the fact that she would cry for me to put her diaper back on.

What a paradox...huh?  She apparently wanted her cake and eat it too.  Don't we all?

So I figured she would just have to get used to the idea of "underwear".  {Ring the 'wrong answer' game-show buzzer right about now.}

Needless to say...after a few weeks of misery...we both failed.  (And trust me...I tried ALL the tricks...tips..and suggestions out there.  ALL.)

I threw up the white flag and threw a diaper back on her.  {deep sigh of defeat}

But I was determined to potty train her.  I mean...everyone else's kids where potty training...and my kid was just as "good" as theirs...so Annaleigh should hop on that bandwagon too!

After another valiant attempt a few months later...more failure.

And that's where I was failing when it came to potty training my daughter.  I was the one who was ready.  I was feeling "mommy-peer-pressure".  I looked around and felt like an inferior mother compared to the rest.

Comparison.  It's evil.

I thought she'd never learn to use the potty.  {I mean...of course I knew she WOULD...but after failing twice...it felt that way!}

Then I moved to Rochester.  And met my internship mentor.  She has 5 kids (ages 4-18).  I think it's safe to assume she knows what she's doing when it comes to this topic.  And she does.  A lot.

She gave me the greatest advice:  wait until after her 3rd birthday.  She'll be older...she'll understand...and that will make it easier for her. {Notice it would be better for HER...NOT neccesarily me.}

My "peer-pressured-mommy-brain" couldn't fathom that thought.

But what did I have to loose?  A little pride?  I had already lost that twice.  So there's wasn't much left.  And I was desperate.

So I did.

I waited about 2 months after her third birthday.  I did one last google search.  And I typed in something like: potty training a child who likes to be in control.  Because I figured out that this potty training thing was more about a battle of the wills than about pottying.

My new plan was this:

I'd put her in underwear at age 3.

I'd set a timer.

When the timer went off...the timer was telling her to go to the potty...

not me. 

And then I'd let her go...

...by herself.

That's right.

I was willing to accept the gross potty Apocalypse that could potentially occur in my clean bathroom.

I wanted to see what would happen if I didn't HOVER over her.  Or PESTER her with questions like "do you have to go potty?  do you have to go potty?  Annaleigh...do you have to go potty???"

{Disclaimer:  Since I had already been through this "process" with her twice before...she knew "how" to do it.  She knew the "method": walking into the bathroom...sitting on the potty...trying to "go"...using TP to wipe...getting off when done.}

The only thing she wasn't sure about was pulling her underwear up and down.  But I had some faith that she *might* be able to figure that out.  Hopefully.

But like I said...I wanted to see what would happen.  I was willing to accept that the learning process is messy and confusing until....you learn.

And it worked!

She loved having the power over her own body.  And by the end of that week...we no longer needed the timer.  And by the end of the next week...I RARELY had to remind her to go.  We have had barely any accidents. And we both got away emotionally unscathed.

And now?  It's like the kid never wore a diaper in her life.  Unbelievable.

Sally Clarkson said this in the book she co-authored:

"Clay and I found that the more we walked with God,  the more we felt called to live our own puzzle according to the integrity of the...parents God had made us, within the limitations of our own personalities...I see so many young women today who live by fear - fear of what others will think, fear of how they might ruin their children, fear of the expectations of other people...I also see women who are afraid to be themselves...It is vitally important for women to learn how to think...for themselves instead of being enslaved to other people's thoughts and opinions.

Do you think that with such diverse families, as each of us is bound to have, that one single formula could possibly [work]?" (emphasis mine)

The answer to that rhetorical question is NO.

What I'm trying to say is this:

1. Don't compare yourself to other Mommys.  
2. Every kid is different.
3. Do whatever works for your family.

It takes a lot of the pressure off of us Mommys when we approach ANYTHING in our attempt to child-rear our kids this way.

So go grab yourself some iced tea and relax.  You are a good Mommy.  And you're the only Mommy they've ever known.  God gave them YOU for a reason.  So no matter what you do "well" or "not-so-well"...all you do is the "right" thing to them.

So get out there and proudly rock your individual "Mommy-ness" today!
Your kids deserve nothing less.

two is twice as better

I was very pregnant with John David, as I sat and rocked my sweet little girl to bed that night, with hot tears streaming down my face.  I could hear the heaviness of her breath.  I felt her golden strands of hair-silk between my fingers.  I could smell the lavender baby bath still moist on her skin.  

Rocking her to sleep is a nightly ritual I enjoy {and need} more than Annaleigh ever has.  Sure, she likes this special time with just Mommy after a fun-filled day of coloring and kisses.  But it was me who loved it most.

And I was so scared.  Scared to have this baby.  Scared that it would change it all.  Scared to loose such sweetness between her and I.

I was actually jealous for Annaleigh.  Jealous that "her and Mommy" would soon become "her, the baby, and Mommy".  That we would have to share each other.  Split our time.  And go without.

I can't even begin to describe to you that pain of borrowing that trouble.  Of imagining how such joy could create such sadness.

I wanted to be a mother of two....more than anything.  But I also mourned being a mommy of one.

But last night, as I sat in that glider, I rocked my boy.  My second child.  With hot tears streaming down my face.  I could hear the heaviness of his breath.  Feel his tired body sinking into mine.  And smell his sweet baby skin as he drifted off to sleep.

John David's birth didn't strip me of love.  It added to it.  A hundred fold.  The sadness I allowed to consume my heart was all in vain.  Ignorant vain.  I was scared, not knowing I'd want this.  That I'd really want it.  That I'd actually enjoy my life being changed.  That I would gain such immeasurable sweetness.  Instead of splitting my time, I'd be getting more of it.  

Days and nights filled with more love, more snuggles, more kisses, more hugs, more of everything.  How could I have dared to live without it? 

It's true what they say, that the heart is a big place.  Annaleigh still gets all of me.  I still sift fingers through hair and sing songs of lullabies.  It's just that now?  I get to do it twice.

72°

Cloudy

But wonderfully and perfectly warm enough to spend all day outside and taking a walk around the neighborhood!  Eating our lunch outside happened, too!

another regular, normal, beautiful day; a second chance

It's 1:26pm.

I have yet to take a shower.

I threw on jeans and a tshirt this morning so I could make it through the day not feeling like a complete (smelly) loser.

The three of us have been busy running around in the sunshine.

And, as I learned a few years back,

this just falls into the category of "suffering to lack".

What the heck does that mean?

Well...

...it means that whenever you do something,

ANYTHING,

something else will suffer.

It will lack by not having it's needs met.

Which gives this perfectionist a ticket to fail.

Because it's a guarantee that something is NOT getting done

whenever you are getting something done.

It helps me relax a bit more

and I become [a little] less uptight.

So what's been suffering?

What's been lacking?

My house.

My to-do list is longer than my weekly grocery receipt

(due to 64 jars of baby food I receive through WIC).

Man, is that receipt L-O-N-G!

I still have to clean/scrub the bathroom

(it's been neglected far too long...I won't share with you how I know this).

There's all this stuff (I don't know what else to call it)

parked in my bedroom waiting to be transported into the attic.

The inside of my fridge needs a bath.

My cat is apparently afraid of getting lost...

...she's leaving far too many tufts of her hair behind.

Maybe she has a Hansel and Gretel complex??

Which means my wall-to-wall carpeted apartment has a serious date with the vacuum cleaner.

The laundry needs to be washed, 

dried,

and put away (that's the part I hate most).

And then there's the office...

...don't even get me started on the office...

...that will probably take an entire weekend to organize and clean...

...I'm dead serious.

It's g.r.o.s.s.

But, whatever.

Because the most important thing right now is that

I need a shower.

A second cup of coffee.

And an emotional recharge

that I can only obtain from lots and lots and lots of 

hugging and kissing on my babies.

Because it's been told to me,

that if my kids lack their mother,

they'll suffer.

The proof was in yesterday's pudding:  bad day.

And suffer we did.

But the sun came up again this morning

laying new beams of golden light across my floor.

And it reminds me

that today

God's new mercy shines upon my heart again.

That today

I am given a second chance.

It's 1:48pm.

And I have yet to take a shower.

70° Warm in the sun and cool in the shade.

Kiddos are wearing shorts and tshirts.

All my windows are open and we've already visited the crocuses in the front yard.

Today...

...is March 1st.

I'm writing this to you from our computer room (apropos...don't you think? and using that fancy new word I just learned...you like?).  The door is currently shut.  This is so my children don't hear me breathing or the sound of the light taps of my finger-tips on this-here keyboard.  They were born with stealth-spy ears.  (Not sure who they inherited that from...)  They hear anything that resembles a human (specifically, their Mommy) and instantly scream for rescuing from their crib cages.

This is the 3rd day of Annaleigh's potty training. I had it all planned out perfectly.  Then my daughter messed it up.  Because, for some reason, a 2YO can't understand the adult plans of her Mommy (which would have had her trained yesterday).  So....I've had to modify the plan.  And I'm happy to say it's more toddler friendly (specifically, Annaleigh friendly...which means MnMs have to be included in the equation on a regular basis...). She's doing much better today.  So there is hope.  Hope for Mommy to not go insane.  Which creates a win/win for all involved.

This is also they day of our March SWF monthly meeting.  I get to go hear Joanna Arp speak on how to be my husband's cheerleader.  The title says it all, "Get Behind Him!  Cheer Him On!!!"...Joanna is so cute.  So animated.  So lively.  So passionate about the things of God.  It's hard not to have it rub off on you.  I really enjoy these meetings.  A chance to get out.  Without my beloved babies.  Eat dessert.  Drink soda.  Spend time catching up with friends.  But most importantly, have my heart gripped by God.  A.maz.ing.  Doesn't it make you want to be a seminary wife?

Today, I also started the herb supplement called Fenugreek.  For all your nursing mamas (past and present)...you just may be familiar with such a concept.  Let's just say JD is always hungry and this little mama of his is having trouble keeping up...we'll leave it at that.

March 1st is also the first day of Ann Vonskamp's March Joy Dare list.  (So apropos that it begins on the 1st...hmmm?  Man, I just LOVE that word, don't you?  I even got to use it TWICE in one post.)  It goes along with her book (and philosophy) One Thousand Gifts.  I read the book in 3 days.  It has literally changed my entire. life.  And so now I can't help but participate in it.  Today's gifts?  3 gifts at 3PM:  a 2YO happily sitting on a potty, a baby boy's smile, the start of some alone time.

And today was the day I realized that it's not selfish of me to crave, desire, and yearn for relationships with others.  It says in Genesis 1:27, "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created him; male and female he created them."  That not only means the obvious...but it means that because God is a triune figure...they experience relational intimacy with each other.  So if I am created in that image, I would have a God-given desire to want relationships.  To want to be loved.  And accepted.  And gushed all over with affection.  Maybe that's a reason I blog.  Because I crave the friendships I have out here in the blogosphere.  I love my readers.  Some of you I know personally.  Others, only through thoughts which have become realized.  Either way...the yearning is there.  I'm really glad you stopped by to see me.  Thanks for reading.

Today's weather:  38°.  Rainy.  Cloudy.  (surprise, surprise...welcome to NEPA)

why should i love my children? and how?

"Older women...teaching...the younger women...to love their children."

Titus 2:3-5

Younger women need to be taught to love their children because it's not something that comes naturally to a mother.  If it did, the Scriptures would not mention that the younger women need to be taught.  God understands this and is the reason for such a command.

:::

To read the rest, click HERE, to be directed to the post I wrote today, for the SWF website. 


:::

Linked up with Darlene today.

this is a privilege

My life.

Being a SAHM.

Teaching and loving my children daily.

Seeing them learn and grow before my eyes.

Filling my days as I see best.

Making my home a haven.

Sensing my God-given purpose

whenever I witness my daughter starting to understand the mechanics of prayer.

Knowing that whatever I do, whenever I do it, as long as it's for God's glory,

nothing is in vain.

annaleigh is a genius

This kid cracks me up!

I know every mother feels that their child is highly intelligent.

I am no exception.

I can't help but feel she is wise beyond her years.

Each day is filled with new discoveries

and newly expressed {and oh! so adorable} behaviors!

For example,

today,

right before her nap-time,

we had reached our "book-reading-quota".

Meaning = I will not read her any more books due to the fact that she actually has to nap at some point.  Otherwise, we'd read books continually, for the rest of our lives, until we died in that rocking chair.

With a last ditch-effort, she reaches across me, to finagle her fingers to find one last book.

She ever-so-sweetly asks me to read it to her.

Even attempting to manipulate my hand to hold it.

When I firmly, yet kindly, refuse,

she takes matters into her own hands.

She strategically parts the pages of the book,

Are You My Mother by P.D. Eastman,

and begins "reading" it aloud.

Her mouth starts stringing together sounds and babbles that resemble a form of language.

With an actual word sprinkled in the mix, here and there.

In the first few pages I can understand the word "mother".

She gets to the page with the kitten, and I clearly hear, "kitty".

But the best part:

we get to the page where the baby bird stops to think...

...she places her finger in the air and begins tapping her head...

...all the while saying, "hmmm...?"

She continues reading the book to herself.

When she finishes,

she gazes up to me with her big brown eyes as if to say,

"Aren't you so proud of me?  Did you hear what I just did!"

I can do nothing else but laugh out loud,

kiss her forehead,

and squeeze her little body into my hug.

Yes, my sweet girl.

I did hear you.

And I'm more proud of you than you'll ever know.

i'm irritated with you

The Lord has really been challenging me lately.  He has been teaching me a lot about my role as a wife and mother through many sources, avenues, books, and people.  And that would be the reason for my lack of consistency on this here blog.

I love writing.  There's something about getting your thoughts down in black and white.  To see them materialize before your eyes.  To understand, more clearly, what goes on inside.  To be honest with yourself.  To prove {or disprove} your sanity.  To inspire others.    

However, I don't love it more than my husband.  Or my children.

And I've found myself becoming irritated when I cannot get to my blogger dashboard.  I become consumed by blogging titles, subjects and content.  Or, if I'm already there, I become annoyed with the endless interruptions due to their endless needs.  

But are their 'endless needs' the problem?

The thought came to me the other day: 

When I focus on my family as my main ministry to the Lord, 
they no longer interfere with my to-do list, but BECOME my to-do list.

To answer the question:  no.

It's my priorities that are my problem.

They aren't making the top of my list.  And they should be.  THEY are my ministry which God has given me to fulfill.  And if I fail to fulfill those God-given roles...I've failed completely.

And if you've read any good portion of this blog, you'll soon realize I'm a {recovering} perfectionist.  Failure is not an option.

My home should be a haven.  And if I'm not expending most of  my energy and resources to provide that for my family, then what is the point of my life.  What's the point of this blog if I'm not actively engaged in enjoying the harvest?

It begins with me.  My thoughts.  And seeing those thoughts here, materialized, I can be completely honest with you.  Blogging needs to take a back seat.  I'll get to it when I can.  But from this moment on, I'll be obsessing over them. 

I'll see you around soon.  Because right now, I'm feeling irritated by this blog.  

There's a little person that needs some tending to....I can hear a sweet little voice, calling Mommy...and she needs me...

staying alive?

Mike is away on a business trip this week.

And JD has caught the cold Annaleigh just got rid of.

And I'm doing my best to keep my head above water,

as I attempt to tag-team without my tag-team partner.

So any activity that doesn't have to do with staying alive, I'm not participating in...

...this blog being one of them {and showers}.

Stay tuned.

I should be back soon.

If I don't throw myself off of a cliff first, in search of a little sanity, that is....

apples and {trying not to go} bananas

So...thanks for the prayers!  Those and the antibiotics are getting the job done!!!  Praise the Lord!  I feel eons better than yesterday.  No more pain!  And the fever, chills, and general yuckiness is gone.  Still feel run-down and in need of napping all day, but that's OK!  And I have two beautiful friends who have offered to feed my family and I on Tuesday and Thursday {which helps with my napping}.  Such blessings!

In other news, I've decided to start setting aside some time to 'have fun' with Annaleigh.  {in other terms - I'll be pretending I'm a teacher again}.  There's just too many hours in a day and not enough to fill them {from a toddler's perspective}.  I think a little structured time is good...for all of us, really.  I'm ransacking my old teaching files to find things for us to do.  They'll be mostly arts-n-crafts type of things, but with a small educational twist.  Our first one today went well, overall.  But she definitely was more interested in "coloring" with the glue stick.  I'm pretty sure she thought it was a really sticky marker.  There was absolutely NO concept of the proper use of glue.  Maybe that should have been our first lesson?

Not only is my daughter smart enough to begin higher education, but she's smart enough to disobey these days. Which has encouraged me to find a discipline system for her.  Up until now, I'd simply re-direct OR ignore the negative behavior while praising the positive.  But, that no longer works!  She has me figured out.  And uses her knowledge to her advantage.  That smart, cute lil' stinker.  So, we have a corner designated for "time-outs".  As well as a timer set for 1min30sec.  This will be enforced whenever she chooses not to obey.  After, I will remind her why she was there, she will be required to apologize {sincerely}...non of this quick-sorry-that-doesn't-mean-anything-I'm-only-saying-it-to-get-you-off-my-back-type-of-sorry...and then we will pray together, I will forgive her, and finally: hugs & kisses.  At least that's the plan.  But you know what they say about plans, don't you?

Once I'm feeling 100% again, spend more time with my baby girl, and set up house rules, life will go much more smoothly.

Wait.  Who am I kidding?

p.s.  I'm absolutely in L-O-V-E  with this card I made the other day...

it's a wonderful {new-kind-of} life

I'm doing my best to remain positive and count my {innumerable} blessings right now.  It's hard, though.  When you factor in the sleepless {I forgot how sleepless!} nights {who knew that a 4 hour stretch of sleep could make you feel like a new woman!  But who really wants to start their day at 3AM??}, simultaneous crying, and the inability of your body being able to function normally {among other things}.

But in spite of it all, I truly am happy!  {I just find myself ranting that mantra to remember my happiness in the midst of all this choas...}

For one, my baby boy is an amazing eater!  Annaleigh could easily use up an entire hour as she attempted to fill her belly at that age.  He can usually satisfy his hunger in 10 minutes!  Crazy?  Absolutely!  But it also leaves me with oodles of extra time and I feel like I have a life {outside of being the household cow...} WAHOO!

At first, though, this concerned me:  was he getting enough to eat?  is it normal?  or is he just 'snacking'?  did he get a 'full-meal'?  how do I know I'm not starving him???

But the proof is in the pudding...err...milk...

He has PLENTY of poopy diapers {as well as wet} {which is awesome for our budget...}

He easily makes it 2-1/2 to 3 hours between feedings.

And he's quickly turning into the cutest butterball turkey!

So it's safe to say...he's eating.

Our John David is also a great sleeper.  As of this moment, he's napping with his sister. It was her usual time for her to go down for her nap.  Not wanting to leave JD out-of-the-loop today {and to convince him to stop crying}, I set him down in his crib {which is in the same room as Annaleigh's} hoping my proximity would relax him until his big sister fell asleep.  This is not my normal practice.  The routine is he usually swings in his baby swing, bounces in his bouncy seat, or he's chillin' like a villian' on the couch, to name a few...until I finish convincing Annaleigh it's time to rest.  But today, as I read Annaleigh her Little Einstein book about Nature, and sang "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star", he too, fell fast asleep.  Score!  So I just left him there.  And now it's wonderfully peaceful and quiet.  {relaxing sigh}....I think it's time to eat that last cupcake and then maybe hop in the shower! 

He sleeps well at night, too.  After he eats, he literally conks out like he just ate a Thanksgiving meal.  And he stays asleep until he feels a rumbly in his tumbly.

And believe it or not, neither of their cries bother the other.  {The first two nights, it did}  Now they sleep through each other's screaming at night.  This, my friends, is a huge blessing!

I'm glad there are positive things to find in life right now.  Because all I can really see is the disaster of a house I'm currently living in and being behind in all my responsibilities.  The biggest drawback is loosing my routine {along with my sanity...} somewhere between 8 months of pregnancy and right now.  Mondays I no longer clean my bathroom.  Tuesdays never see picked-up bedrooms.  Wednesdays aren't for cleaning the kitchen.  Thursdays never have errands to run.  Fridays I don't vacuum or dust.  And the laundry barely gets washed and dried.  {I do, however, have an AMAZING husband who has been bathing our daughter, washing dishes daily, clearing and wiping down our counter-tops, helping me go grocery shopping, surprising me with yummy treats to eat/drink, entertaining our daughter and making her laugh, and so much more!  I LOVE YOU sweetheart...THANK YOU! {muah!}  

I had a good friend once tell me that 6 weeks postpartum is the magic number.  It's true.  I vividly remember that with Annaleigh.  Someday, I will feel like myself again.  And someday I will have a house that doesn't look like a tornado hit it....

It's just a bummer that today isn't someday.

toddler advice needed

 So what does one feed a toddler who will pretty much only eat peanut butter straight from the jar?
She's been on some sort of "food-strike" for the past few weeks.

Ideas?  Thoughts?  Advice?

Because I'd love for her to eat.  Like anything.

Please share your suggestions in the comments section below!

i want to go back to bed

It's just been one of those days.

you're not a mistake

Annaleigh is in love with mud puddles.

I've started walking, regularly, while pushing Annaleigh in her stroller, in an attempt to help my body endure the impending labor and delivery of my son (the sweet little champ is due in August).  Clearly, this new exercise regime {can I call it that?  I mean, I do break into a sweat, in spite of my slow-waddling-like gait} is not meant to get me skinny.  Because let's face it, with about 2 months to go, I'm not about to get any thinner!  All that walking has made me feel better, healthier.  And I think those exercise endorphins are finally starting to work.  Which is a good thing, because...

I remember reading somewhere {don't ask me where} that a girl's self-esteem is learned from her mother.  More specifically, if a mother owns a positive self-image, then, so too, will her daughter learn to have her own positive self-image.

That spoke volumes to me when I came across it.  Seeing as I have a daughter AND a lower view of myself than I ought {at least, according to my husband...he's such a sweetie, isn't he?...}

Today, during my quiet time, I came across Isaiah 45:9 and Psalm 139:13-18.  Isaiah speaks of the imminent woe that comes to the creation when it questions it's Creator.  Psalms speaks of God's specific purpose for, and formation of, me {and you}.

Most days, {because of that curséd mirror} I don't feel that I am made according to God's perfect design - my strengths, my talents and even my limitations {all that cellulite! when the heck did that happen??}

Shame on me! I thought, as the conviction fell upon my heart:  Why do I question God's craftsmanship?  Who am I that I should challenge my Maker's design??

It's so easy, though, to lose perspective when we live in a society that has the goal to make you feel unsatisfied with your life and everything in it.  And most days, for me anyway, the category most affected is my body image.

The moral of my story?

The image that God sees in me, the one that He made, should be the driving force behind my healthy habits.  It shouldn't be how I view myself {away with you, you big ole butt! hello sweet-looking legs...}, because I see with imperfect and finite eyes.  My driving force shouldn't even be the "visual" results {or lack, thereof...} 

I need to work hard to keep the body that God has "intricately woven", healthy; I need to be a good steward of His gifts.  I need to start appreciating the creation that I am:  a creation that was made in the image of God.

Hey, beautiful.  Did you forget that?  That's right.  You were made in the image of God.  So learn to love yourself.  Because God loves you.  And He doesn't make mistakes...

I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows it very well.

Psalm 139:14-15

I'm linked up over at Time-Warp Wife for:

Come join us!

we stand alone

"Life as you know it will never be the same."

I remember reading those first few lines in one of the {many} parenting books Mike and I purposed on reading before Annaleigh was born.  I also remember thinking, yeah, of course.  Sure.  I get that...I TOTALLY understand life will be different.

Ha.

What did I know?

And who was I trying to fool?

This book also says 

"A healthy husband-wife relationship is essential to the emotional health of children in the home."

Basically it was telling me that my relationship with my husband is central to a well-rounded and happy life in this world.  {Secondary to my relationship with the Lord, of course...}  So how did it get this far?  How did we get to a place where we felt so disconnected with each other? 

Three things I can sense was the reason:

A lack of prayer for our marriage.  You think it'll just keep working like it always has been.  But even the most efficient and well-working machines need routine upkeep.  And I believe praying to God, that he keeps your bond strong, is essential.

A lack of communication.  We never thought to stop and discuss what we needed from each other.  Instead, we assumed that other person already sensed those needs but was just failing to follow through.

An abundance of selfishness.  We focused on ourselves.  We focused on what we weren't getting.  And that's not true love.  Love is a giving of yourself to meet your spouse's needs, in spite of your own needs.  {Hard?  I know.  But Christ is our example.  And what did He gain from choosing to come to earth as a man and die on a cross?  It was a self-less act of unconditional love.}

The remedy?

Prayer. Communication. Love. Time.  And a DATE NIGHT!!

Which we are so grateful to our dear friends who watched Annaleigh for us on Saturday night so we could make it a reality...  

Burgers & Fries at Five Guys

Shakespeare in the Park:
Much Ado About Nothing

"You may think: 'But we do not argue or lack in our love for each other.'  Be warned, insecurity is fostered by what is not taking place between couples as much as what is taking place.  The goal of parenting is not simply to avoid excessive anxiety, but to create a world of confidence by what we do with each other as much as by what we avoid doing....To improve the quality of the parent-child relationship, parents first must continue to evaluate the quality of their relationship with each other.  Would it stand alone without baby?"

I love you Michael.

With all my heart.

I want to stand alone with no one else but you...

Today, I'm linked up to...

a public love affair

I was in 1st grade.  It was that time of the school-week when we had our "library special".  We'd go and hear the school librarian read us a story.  Afterward, they'd set us crazy kids loose so we have a chance to get our "feet wet" with the Dewey Decimal System;  finding a book to take home for the week.

It was routine.  It didn't mean much to me other than a chance to not have to do "real" work.  I guess it was sorta like recess.

Until fate brought me face to face with....

On this particular day, as we did our best to find optimal seating on the floor - selfishly nudging each other while tightly corralling in and around the librarian so as to bring her much too close to death by suffocation, she pulled this out from behind her back.

I can still hear the sound the book made as she slowly opened its cover.  The crinkle of the dust jacket won my heart over instantly.  It was love.  I was hooked.  It was my entrance drug into the world of reading {and libraries}.

When I became a teacher, myself, many years later, I would purpose field trips to our public library.  {I worked in a Christian school which did not have a "functioning" library for elementary aged students.}  I was determined to reproduce that moment for at least one of my students, in my lifetime as a teacher.  I always passionately felt that if a person could learn to love reading, the world was their oyster.  Most learning stems from the knowledge found in that precious black and white print.

The first thing I would make my students' do, as they made their way through the entrance, was to: stop.  And inhale.  Deeply.

"Do you smell that?"  I'd ask.
"Smell, what?"  They'd say.
"Books.  Boys and Girls...that's the beautiful aroma of books.  No where else on earth does such a smell exist."  {Yes, they though I was crazy.  You can ask any of my former students, to this day, and they will have no problem admitting their opinion of me...}

Becoming a mother has only increased this passion of mine.  I want Annaleigh to love getting lost in a world, that for those few short moments on a page, belongs only to her.

So it thrills my soul that Annaleigh loves books.
And it was simply natural timing to introduce her to the place where my very own love affair began.
The library....

Go ahead, sweetheart.  Inhale.  Deeply.  There's nothing like it....


p.s.  this post is linked up over at Time-Warp Wife.
Come join in the fun!