Tuesday, June 14, 2011

we stand alone

"Life as you know it will never be the same."

I remember reading those first few lines in one of the {many} parenting books Mike and I purposed on reading before Annaleigh was born.  I also remember thinking, yeah, of course.  Sure.  I get that...I TOTALLY understand life will be different.

What did I know?
And who was I trying to fool?

This book also says 
"A healthy husband-wife relationship is essential to the emotional health of children in the home."

Basically it was telling me that my relationship with my husband is central to a well-rounded and happy life in this world.  {Secondary to my relationship with the Lord, of course...}  So how did it get this far?  How did we get to a place where we felt so disconnected with each other? 

Three things I can sense was the reason:
A lack of prayer for our marriage.  You think it'll just keep working like it always has been.  But even the most efficient and well-working machines need routine upkeep.  And I believe praying to God, that he keeps your bond strong, is essential.

A lack of communication.  We never thought to stop and discuss what we needed from each other.  Instead, we assumed that other person already sensed those needs but was just failing to follow through.

An abundance of selfishness.  We focused on ourselves.  We focused on what we weren't getting.  And that's not true love.  Love is a giving of yourself to meet your spouse's needs, in spite of your own needs.  {Hard?  I know.  But Christ is our example.  And what did He gain from choosing to come to earth as a man and die on a cross?  It was a self-less act of unconditional love.}

The remedy?
Prayer. Communication. Love. Time.  And a DATE NIGHT!!

Which we are so grateful to our dear friends who watched Annaleigh for us on Saturday night so we could make it a reality...  
Burgers & Fries at Five Guys
Shakespeare in the Park:
Much Ado About Nothing
"You may think: 'But we do not argue or lack in our love for each other.'  Be warned, insecurity is fostered by what is not taking place between couples as much as what is taking place.  The goal of parenting is not simply to avoid excessive anxiety, but to create a world of confidence by what we do with each other as much as by what we avoid doing....To improve the quality of the parent-child relationship, parents first must continue to evaluate the quality of their relationship with each other.  Would it stand alone without baby?"

I love you Michael.
With all my heart.
I want to stand alone with no one else but you...

Today, I'm linked up to...


  1. Beautiful post. So glad you had a lovely date night :)

  2. so true. I am so glad you guys had a night to reconnect and figure out some things. With three kids (and another on the way!) we have certainly had our share of uh-oh-what's-going-on-in-our-relationship-we-need-to-fix-this moments. It especially hit us after kid #3 - I remember feeling extremely disconnected and also feeling as though we were both living in two separate worlds. It didn't help that I had the baby blues and severe anemia after Mikey's birth. Through that experience we learned how much hard work we have to put into our marriage, and since then, every day I have asked God to help me make my marriage a priority, even more so than the three kids that demand so much of my attention. It will always be a work in progress! :)
    Thank you for your honesty and transparency in this post. You guys are definitely on the right page, and your children are blessed that they have parents that care enough to keep working on their relationship. :) love you!

  3. Hold hands A LOT. Trust me.


Love is to the heart what the summer is to the farmer's year - it brings to harvest all the loveliest flowers of the soul. -Unknown