i'm doing my best to kill the one-upper that lives inside my soul...

"Wow, these Target shopping carts are SO cool."

"Yeah, well I've been riding in these things since before you were born ."

The urban dictionary defines a "one upper" as this:

An annoying person who responds to hearing someone else’s experience or problem by immediately telling a similar story about themselves with a much more fantastic (or terrible) outcome.

or

A person who always has a better story. If you killed six goats, he or she killed 23. 

and

A person that "knows" about everything. This person has done everything you wish you had. If you saw it on television last night, he did it for a family vacation 2 years ago.

even

Of or relating to a person always trying to outdo or claim                                 that their experience was better without regard to whether it actually was better.

When I review and analyze conversations in my life, I always come to this conclusion:

I am a one upper.

{cringe}

But I don't do it on purpose!  I promise!  It's just that it's the only way I know how to "relate".  It's the way I empathize….to share bits of my life.  It’s how I add to a conversation. {It doesn't help that I have diarrhea of the mouth...I can't. shut. up. EVER.}

I have realized, more and more recently, that this is not the best way to relate to my fellow mankind.

People usually don’t care if you’ve done it.  When people tell a story, all they really want is to share what THEY went through.

People who are telling a story are expecting validation from the person(s) they are sharing it with...not that you did it better...or even at all.  

Pause with me a moment.

Talk a walk into your memory.  Look around for those moments when you felt someone really cared about you.  Like really cared.  What do you find?  I guarantee this person gave you responsive statements such as:

“Wow! That must have been fun for you!”

 or

“Oh my.  That must have been so hard.”

They may have even followed up with some related questions.  And it seemed that they were seeking additional information about YOUR story {not yours...ahem...}.  Like they wanted to know everything and anything about you.  You probably thought they were incredibly nice and wonderful.

Questions and responsive statements are KEY in making people feeling like you care.  It's a KEY element in connecting with that person.

Are you a one-upper?

Still not sure?

Let me ask you this,

Do you walk away from conversations thinking, "gee.  I know nothing about them.  But I'm pretty sure they know everything about me..."?

Then, I'm afraid, my friend, that you most likely are a one-upper.

But don't worry...I'm totally a better one-upper than you are.
I've been one-upping since I was, like...born.

mere ponderings

Internship is fast approaching.

The weeks seem to speed right by.

And I have yet to dig-in to packing up my house.

Empty boxes to the left and right of me.

A few that are full sit in the front hallway.

I have an attic scattered with trash and a basement consumed with stuff.

Babies are asleep in their beds making sounds of awakening.

I can hear the stir of their bodies against their sheets.

Major anticipation in my heart gives rise to excitement.

What will such an adventure hold?

New places, new people, and new lessons to explore.

God is ever blessing.

                          ever constant.

                                     ever sure.

Humbled-joy is what I feel.

To be allowed this life.

where is my home?

via

oh. boy.
Can I just tell you how many emotions I felt over this past weekend??
No?
Well, sorry, but this my blog and I'm gonna tell you anyway.

We just came back from a super short trip to Massachusetts this weekend, but a super great one.

Here's a little back story for you:
When we lived in MA, Mike was a teacher and a coach for a Christian high school.  He's a pretty amazing guy,  who knows how to love people and make them feel special.  That's what makes him so darn special.  And it's not a show.  He's sincere.  He down-right l.o.v.e.s. the kids he taught/coached (note:  I said "loves"...it's never stopped for them since the first day).  He wants the best for these kids (I say "kids"...they are all either about to go into college/real life, in college/real life, or have graduated college) and that's not ever stopped either.

So one of those "kids" was graduating from high school this past Saturday.  We were invited.  And we couldn't say no.  This amazing young man, named Eric, was worth this super short trip.  And it makes sense that his family is amazing and super worth it.  They are as close to family as you could get.

This celebration allowed us the opportunity to see people (whom we love DEARLY) we hadn't seen in, literally, y-e-a-r-s.  And holy cow.  I forgot how much they mean to me.  Isn't that bad?  Here we left MA four years ago, and it was because of those relationships, me mourning that temporary loss, that I entered a non-clinical depression for the first year.  I cried for months.  And now that my life here is smooth sailing and working like a well-oiled machine...and now that I have great people that surround me....and now that I'm in the swing of things down here in NEPA....I forgot.   My MA "family" means the world to me.  They understand that I'm just a (very) weird individual... and they embrace that...fully.  In fact, they crave it....and they tell me they miss it.  And it makes me feel so....at home.

Home is in MA.
But home is also in PA.
Which give me confidence that someday, NY will start to feel like home, too.

Thank you, Lord, for this trip.  Short and sweet.  And wonderfully wonderful.

There's no place like home.
And I love that.

Today...

...is March 1st.

I'm writing this to you from our computer room (apropos...don't you think? and using that fancy new word I just learned...you like?).  The door is currently shut.  This is so my children don't hear me breathing or the sound of the light taps of my finger-tips on this-here keyboard.  They were born with stealth-spy ears.  (Not sure who they inherited that from...)  They hear anything that resembles a human (specifically, their Mommy) and instantly scream for rescuing from their crib cages.

This is the 3rd day of Annaleigh's potty training. I had it all planned out perfectly.  Then my daughter messed it up.  Because, for some reason, a 2YO can't understand the adult plans of her Mommy (which would have had her trained yesterday).  So....I've had to modify the plan.  And I'm happy to say it's more toddler friendly (specifically, Annaleigh friendly...which means MnMs have to be included in the equation on a regular basis...). She's doing much better today.  So there is hope.  Hope for Mommy to not go insane.  Which creates a win/win for all involved.

This is also they day of our March SWF monthly meeting.  I get to go hear Joanna Arp speak on how to be my husband's cheerleader.  The title says it all, "Get Behind Him!  Cheer Him On!!!"...Joanna is so cute.  So animated.  So lively.  So passionate about the things of God.  It's hard not to have it rub off on you.  I really enjoy these meetings.  A chance to get out.  Without my beloved babies.  Eat dessert.  Drink soda.  Spend time catching up with friends.  But most importantly, have my heart gripped by God.  A.maz.ing.  Doesn't it make you want to be a seminary wife?

Today, I also started the herb supplement called Fenugreek.  For all your nursing mamas (past and present)...you just may be familiar with such a concept.  Let's just say JD is always hungry and this little mama of his is having trouble keeping up...we'll leave it at that.

March 1st is also the first day of Ann Vonskamp's March Joy Dare list.  (So apropos that it begins on the 1st...hmmm?  Man, I just LOVE that word, don't you?  I even got to use it TWICE in one post.)  It goes along with her book (and philosophy) One Thousand Gifts.  I read the book in 3 days.  It has literally changed my entire. life.  And so now I can't help but participate in it.  Today's gifts?  3 gifts at 3PM:  a 2YO happily sitting on a potty, a baby boy's smile, the start of some alone time.

And today was the day I realized that it's not selfish of me to crave, desire, and yearn for relationships with others.  It says in Genesis 1:27, "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created him; male and female he created them."  That not only means the obvious...but it means that because God is a triune figure...they experience relational intimacy with each other.  So if I am created in that image, I would have a God-given desire to want relationships.  To want to be loved.  And accepted.  And gushed all over with affection.  Maybe that's a reason I blog.  Because I crave the friendships I have out here in the blogosphere.  I love my readers.  Some of you I know personally.  Others, only through thoughts which have become realized.  Either way...the yearning is there.  I'm really glad you stopped by to see me.  Thanks for reading.

Today's weather:  38°.  Rainy.  Cloudy.  (surprise, surprise...welcome to NEPA)

don't rob me of my blessing!

Romans 1:12...that is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith, both yours and mine.

With groceries pile high, full to the brim of all things good, she stared me straight in the eye, with finger pointing as she reprimanded, "Don't rob me of my blessing."

For me, that was the beginning of a long lesson that I continue to learn and refine, to this very day.

This soccer mom's high school daughter was on my husband's team.  And after hearing us pour out our hearts in celebration over the blessing the Lord had just given us concerning a large amount of grocery store gift certificates being mailed to our house, she felt compelled of God to pay for all the items in our grocery cart.

As difficult as it was for this "self-sufficient" girl to accept, I released control and allowed myself to receive.

Some of us believe that it's godly to give, but we balk at asking.  It feels uncomfortable being on the receiving end...[but] we have to understand how to give and take [as] a part of growing spiritually.  We actually give others joy and strengthen their faith when we ask for and then gratefully accept their help.  -Joan C. Webb

It's humbling, no doubt, to accept help.  Yet it's one of God's methods of sanctification.  It's His way of reminding us that He's in control and how He desperately wants to take care of us....if we let Him.  ..."How often would I have gathered your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you were not willing!"  {Matthew 23:37b}

God has fashioned the body of believers to help each other.  Because, contrary to popular belief, sometimes he does give us more than we can handle.  If He didn't, then what's the purpose of Galatians 6:2 - "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ"?  Isn't it safe to assume that sometimes life becomes so consuming and overwhelming and "too much" to take, that dependency upon another's faith is actually needed?

And once you relent; once you accept, there is a duplicity of encouragement.  Faith is grown.  And God is glorified.

Joan C. Webb suggests to make it personal:  What family, work or personal concern are you facing this week?  Ask at least one caring friend to support you in prayer for
this specific issue.

I'm linked up here:

i'm not feeling very profound today

I have no new revelations to reveal.
Nor do I feel a sense of direction at the moment.
But I have an urge to write.
To write unedited {mostly}.
To let the words simply flow from my mind to my fingers.
So that's what this-here girl is gonna do.

It's 9:37 PM.
I'm sitting on a bed.  A bed that was suppose to be king-sized.  But I think it's really a queen. 
I'm in a hotel in Chicago.  One that is across the street from a McDonald's that holds the world record for most expensive dollar menu.  One that is mostly occupied by people attending Founder's Week at the Moody Bible Institute, us included.
I hear the traffic on the street fiercly whirring by, outside my window.
My two babies are sleeping across the room.  I can hear their silent breathing and the occasional dreamy sigh.

We began our trip on {superbowl} Sunday right after our ABF (adult bible fellowship).  We had packed up the car on Saturday night (for the most part, excluding tolietries, our umbrella, and my gray boots I forgot to put in the suitcase) and bathed the babies so that we could get up and go.

We drove for 5 plus hours and arrived in Toledo, OH.  We stayed in the missionary house on the property of Emmanuel Baptist Church.  What a blessing it was to take advantage of such wonderful hospitality....for free!

Another blessing was to spend some time having sweet fellowship with our friends (and recent graduates from our seminary), Dave and Krista.  They currently are on staff at Emmanuel and the church will be voting soon to see if they will stay or go.  Please pray that they will be voted to stay!

Dave came over the missionary house Sunday night to watch the superbowl game with us (we were suppose to hang out at their house for the game, but their oldest got a stomach bug...plans changed a little, but that was ok!). 

The next morning, Krista and I had a coffee date at Panera.  What a blessing that was!  (and not just because of the great coffee served in a ceramic mug along with the toasted asiago cheese bagel...although that was a big part of it!) If you don't know Krista, you should!  She is an optimistic breath of fresh air combined with wise counsel and a sweet spirit.  I'm sad we didn't get extra time, but thankful for what was had.  Such great conversation.  My heart was put at ease with realistic expectations, encouraged with reminders of God's sovereignty and was given helpful advice from a former intern wife!  I now look forward to my future with that much more joy!  Praise the Lord!

Afterwards, we soon hit the road (well, first, Mike ate his cinnamon crunch bagel and coffee, Annaleigh her chocolate chip muffie, and JD enjoyed some gold liquid...) and headed to Indiana.  Where we had some more sweet fellowship with another set of friends (and recent graduates as well), Chris and Heather.  And we met at Culver's: home of the butter burger and #2 on the list of best frozen custard (#1 being Andy's)!  So. much. fun. 

It reminds me how much I miss our friends.
How much I'll miss our friends.

A few hours later we arrive at our final destination.
Here.
It's cold.
It's windy.
It's wonderful.

Mike said to me, as we briskly pushed our babies and walked our way to the closest Starbucks, "You want to live in the city..."
"No. I don't."
"Yes, you do."
"Yes, I do."
To casually think about it, I'd say I'd never want to live in the city.
Too noisy.
Too fast.
Too inconvenient (as a young family...strollers don't do well in small spaces and frigid air...)
But as my mind begins to ponder the places I love the most:
Boston
NYC
Philly
Charleston, SC
Chicago
...they are all cities.
Life on the move.
But most importantly...life.
I love feeling as if I'm a part of it.
A part of something big.
Something bright.
Something fun.

Maybe it's an outward expression of what I feel inside.
Excitment and possibility!

I love it here.
And I'm with the people I love the most.
And tomorrow's a new day.

I'll wake up.
It'll be Wednesday.
I'll eat a complimentary free breakfast.
I'll live.
I'll love.
I'll be happy.
And I'll pray that it never ends.

crackling magic memories

I have such fond memories, as a child, of decorating our house for Christmas.  It always felt like a big event to me.  Something I enjoyed very much.  I'm really big into making things feel important.  Maybe it's because I've always experienced things with my whole heart open.  Allowing in all the joy, details, and warmth that life can bring your way.  And so, I feel it's my mission to help others experience life in the same way.

Some of you may not know that my parents divorced when I was 5 years old.  My mother had full custody.  Meaning, I lived with her a majority of the time.  This created a bond between her and I.  The time between her first marriage and her second was saturated with attention.  I would say that was the time in my life was when I felt the closest to her.  Maybe it was because we had only each other.  A love grown out of dependency.  Out of necessity.  Out of fear, as we clung to each other in a desperate need of some sort of materialized stability and love.  Whatever it was...it was tender.  And it was real.

Days after Thanksgiving, I always knew it was coming.  When we would shop for a real-live Christmas tree.  One that dropped, more than a few, pine-needles by the hour and smelled of evergreen-heaven.

Then my mom would pull out her Christmas records from the entertainment center cupboard. You know, the ones that are 10x the size of a CD and play a sound that touches your soul deeper than any YouTube video could create?  {When I saw the episode about Frank being irate at Raymond for converting his beloved records to CDs, on Everybody Loves Raymond, I'm pretty sure I was just as upset.  How could Ray not know that CDs do not sound better than records??  No matter how hard Ray pleaded to his father that they did??}

She'd lay them on the record-player.  Turn it on.  Place the arm on the outer-edge.  Turn the sound up.  And then...you'd wait for it...the soft crackling.  The quiet-popping.  Your ears could practically taste the music.

My mom and I would pull out all the ornaments and lights, adorn the tree with its yearly jewels, and listen to Nat King Cole and Bing Crosby as they sang our life's soundtrack.  We'd spend hours until the tree was perfectly decorated.  Changing record after record to be sure each moment never lacked the sound of crackling-Christmas magic.  

Nothing gives me a warmer and fuzzier feeling. 

Nothing makes me want to rewind my life more than those days.

To continue with my mission, I long to create those feelings for my own children.  I want them to feel that magic.  That awe.  That joy.  Unfortunately, there's no more family records to accompany the harmony of their memories...but I hope against hope, that I make their lives feel special.   Just like those records.  Just like my mom. 

Especially at Christmas-time.

CIA watching world online

**An interesting article I read in our local Sunday newspaper**

McLean, Va. - In an anonymous industrial park, CIA analysts who jokingly call themselves the "ninja librarians" are mining the mass of information people publish about themselves overseas, tracking everything from common public opinion to revolutions.

The group's effort gives the White House a daily snapshot of the world built from tweets, newspaper articles and Facebook updates.

The agency's Open Source Center sometimes looks at 5 million tweets a day.  The analysts are also checking out TV news channels, local radio stations, Internet chat rooms - anything overseas that people can access and contribute to openly.

The Associated Press got an apparently unprecedented view of the center's operations, including a tour of the main facility.  The AP agreed not to reveal its exact location and to withhold the identities of some who work there because much of the center's work is secret.

From Arabic to Mandarin, from an angry tweet to a thoughtful blog, the analysts gather the information, often in native tongue.  They cross-reference it with a local newspaper or a clandestinely intercepted phone conversation.  From there, they build a picture sought by the highest levels at the White House.  There might be a real-time peek, for example, at the mood of a region after the Navy SEAL raid that killed Osama bin Laden, or perhaps a prediction of which Mideast nation seems ripe for revolt.

Yes, they saw the uprising in Egypt coming; they just didn't know exactly when revolution might hit, say the center's director, Doug Naquin.

The center already had "predicted that social media in places like Egypt could be a game-changer and a threat to the regime," he said in an interview.

The CIA facility was set up in response to a recommendation by the 9/11 Commission, its first priority to focus on counterterrorism and counterproliferation.  Its predecessor organization had its staff heavily cut in the 1990s - something the CIA's management has vowed to keep from happening again, with budget cuts looming across the national security spectrum.

The center's several hundred analysts - the actual number is classified - track a broad range of subjects, including Chinese Internet access and the mood on the street in Pakistan.

While most analysts are based in Virginia, they also are scattered throughout the U.S. embassies worldwide to get a step closer to their subjects.

The center's analysis ends up in President Barack Obama's daily intelligence briefing almost every day.  The material is often used to answer questions he poses to his inner circle of intelligence advisers when they give him the morning rundown of threats and trouble spots.

"The OSC's focus is overseas, collecting against foreign intelligence issues,"  said CIA spokeswoman Jennifer Youngblood.  "Looking at social media outlets overseas is just a small part of what this skilled organization does," she said.  "There is no effort to collect on Americans."

The most successful open source analysts, Mr. Naquin said, are something like the heroine of the crime novel "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo," a quirky, irreverent computer hacker who "knows how to find stuff other people don't  know exists."

An analyst with a degree in library science and multiple languages, especially one who grew up speaking another language, makes "a powerful open source officer" Mr. Naquin said.

The center had started focusing on social media after watching the Twitter-sphere rock the Iranian regime during the Green Revolution of 2009, when thousands protested the results of the elections that kept Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in power.  "Farsi was the third-largest presence in social media blogs at the time on the Web," Mr. Naquin said.

After bin Laden was killed in Pakistan in May, the CIA followed Twitter to give the White House a snapshot of world public opinion.  Since tweets can't necessarily be pegged to a geographic location, the analysts broke down reaction by language.  The result:  The majority of Urdu tweets, the language of Pakistan, and Chinese tweets, were negative.  China is a close ally of Pakistan.

**Article taken from The Times Tribune**

 Scranton, PA

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Written by Kimberly Dozier

Nation and World section, page B1

my Christian life is hanging in the balance

I feel as if I need to set the record straight.

Not that I've gotten angry people writing mean things to me explaining their deep protest against the things I've said, but I feel as if {quite possibly} the silence of my readers is worse...

Balance.

A word I do not have enough of in my life.

My "religious" background is one of LEGALISM.  

Work.  Do.  Drive.  Go.  Get Better.  
Take On More.  Be Responsible.  Don't Drop The Ball.  

Or Else The Lord Will NOT Be Pleased With Your Service.

So the things I've been writing about Scripture lately have been FILLED TO THE BRIM with the idea of REST, RELIEF, RENEWAL, FREEDOM, IMPERFECTIONISM, BREATHING ROOM, ENJOYING LIFE, CONTENTMENT, ESCAPE, learning to say NO, and GOD'S GRACE.

This is not to say we are to never Work-Do-Drive-Go-Get Better.  We are!  I feel as if what I'm saying will be misinterpreted as sitting back and doing nothing.  Never going to church.  Never reading your Bible, Never praying.  Never helping others.  Etc... Because I'm not saying that at all! God's Word flourishes with commands on being the best Christian you could ever possibly be.  Our goal {behind glorifying God} is to become like Christ.  And He was PERFECT!  So do me a favor, and get out there and do the work of the Lord!  Do it heartily!  Do it with all your might!  Fight the good fight!!!!

Yet, at the same time, the Bible speaks about our inability to actually become like Christ!  Ironic?  Contradictory?  I think not.  Why?  Because we are fallen creatures due to our sin.  This makes it impossible to EVER TRULY be like Christ.  Meaning?  We are are NOT perfect.  It's our nature!  {shocking?  I know.  Breath.  It was hard for me to admit, at first, too...} 

This means, I'm starting to realize that the Bible is filled with just as much inaction as pro-action.  And since I've practiced an abundance of pro-action throughout my life {which has lead to multiple burn-outs/melt-downs/tantrums}, I've decided it's good to become aware of all the "inactions" God has commanded us to do {...errrr...not do?}.

God knows we can't ever really be like Christ.  {But praise the Lord, He never stops trying in spite of that knowledge!  Amen!}  And so, He fills His Word with those "inactions" to protect us {from things like burn-outs, melt-downs, and tantrums}.  That deserves another "praise the Lord"!

So...

please, pLeAsE, PLEASE(!), do not take my posts about God's Word the wrong way.

Balance.

It's the word of your day.

In fact, it should be the word of your entire life.

It will be a struggle.

Trust me.  I'm a recovering perfectionist.  I should know.

Funny quote I recently said to my husband about this topic:

"I know I'm not perfect at it yet, but someday I'll learn to be imperfect..."

Like I said...I'm recovering...

I'm linked up again with Courtney! 

Come join us!

it's a wonderful {new-kind-of} life

I'm doing my best to remain positive and count my {innumerable} blessings right now.  It's hard, though.  When you factor in the sleepless {I forgot how sleepless!} nights {who knew that a 4 hour stretch of sleep could make you feel like a new woman!  But who really wants to start their day at 3AM??}, simultaneous crying, and the inability of your body being able to function normally {among other things}.

But in spite of it all, I truly am happy!  {I just find myself ranting that mantra to remember my happiness in the midst of all this choas...}

For one, my baby boy is an amazing eater!  Annaleigh could easily use up an entire hour as she attempted to fill her belly at that age.  He can usually satisfy his hunger in 10 minutes!  Crazy?  Absolutely!  But it also leaves me with oodles of extra time and I feel like I have a life {outside of being the household cow...} WAHOO!

At first, though, this concerned me:  was he getting enough to eat?  is it normal?  or is he just 'snacking'?  did he get a 'full-meal'?  how do I know I'm not starving him???

But the proof is in the pudding...err...milk...

He has PLENTY of poopy diapers {as well as wet} {which is awesome for our budget...}

He easily makes it 2-1/2 to 3 hours between feedings.

And he's quickly turning into the cutest butterball turkey!

So it's safe to say...he's eating.

Our John David is also a great sleeper.  As of this moment, he's napping with his sister. It was her usual time for her to go down for her nap.  Not wanting to leave JD out-of-the-loop today {and to convince him to stop crying}, I set him down in his crib {which is in the same room as Annaleigh's} hoping my proximity would relax him until his big sister fell asleep.  This is not my normal practice.  The routine is he usually swings in his baby swing, bounces in his bouncy seat, or he's chillin' like a villian' on the couch, to name a few...until I finish convincing Annaleigh it's time to rest.  But today, as I read Annaleigh her Little Einstein book about Nature, and sang "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star", he too, fell fast asleep.  Score!  So I just left him there.  And now it's wonderfully peaceful and quiet.  {relaxing sigh}....I think it's time to eat that last cupcake and then maybe hop in the shower! 

He sleeps well at night, too.  After he eats, he literally conks out like he just ate a Thanksgiving meal.  And he stays asleep until he feels a rumbly in his tumbly.

And believe it or not, neither of their cries bother the other.  {The first two nights, it did}  Now they sleep through each other's screaming at night.  This, my friends, is a huge blessing!

I'm glad there are positive things to find in life right now.  Because all I can really see is the disaster of a house I'm currently living in and being behind in all my responsibilities.  The biggest drawback is loosing my routine {along with my sanity...} somewhere between 8 months of pregnancy and right now.  Mondays I no longer clean my bathroom.  Tuesdays never see picked-up bedrooms.  Wednesdays aren't for cleaning the kitchen.  Thursdays never have errands to run.  Fridays I don't vacuum or dust.  And the laundry barely gets washed and dried.  {I do, however, have an AMAZING husband who has been bathing our daughter, washing dishes daily, clearing and wiping down our counter-tops, helping me go grocery shopping, surprising me with yummy treats to eat/drink, entertaining our daughter and making her laugh, and so much more!  I LOVE YOU sweetheart...THANK YOU! {muah!}  

I had a good friend once tell me that 6 weeks postpartum is the magic number.  It's true.  I vividly remember that with Annaleigh.  Someday, I will feel like myself again.  And someday I will have a house that doesn't look like a tornado hit it....

It's just a bummer that today isn't someday.

fresh from the Word

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Philippians 4:8

Sometimes, we women believe, that in order to appear a loving Christian we should "be pleasant" and "agreeable."  That we should ignore the painful matters in our lives.

Isn't that what this verse is saying?

Actually, no.

The Greek meaning of truth is "the reality lying clearly before your eyes."

So, yes, you are allowed to acknowledge unpleasant things in your life.  You are allowed to think about those things - how else can they be worked out and "fixed" in order for them to ultimately be handled properly with a right response?

"...there is virtue in honestly growing through the pain to dwell on the true, just, pure, and lovely things..."

-Joan C. Webb

Linked up, today, with Darlene over at:

unfrequented by human beings

in other words....

Loneliness.

It's such a sad word.

And when I read it, it fills me with a saturated emotion.
Because it's all too familiar.

That may shock some of you who know me.

Considering I'm the text-book definition of an extrovert.  

One could assume I am easily surrounded by friends, people and happiness.

But if you knew me.  Like really knew me, you would know the truth of my life is not that way.

I am lonely most days.  And have felt alone most of my life.

Psalm 38:9-11
O Lord, all my longing is before you; my sighing is not hidden from you.  My heart throbs; my strength fails me, and the light of my eyes - it is also gone from me.  My friends and companions stand aloof from my plague, and my nearest kin stand far off.

This does not mean I don't have friends!  I do.  But friendships do not automatically equal fun-filled days bursting at the brim with fellowship!

I don't want to take up your time by giving you example, after example, of the loneliness I've experienced over the course of 31 years.  But trust me.  It exists.  Even today.  Like.  Right. Now.

But let me change gears from a sad-whoa-is-me-type-of-post into an extremely encouraging one.  

Taught to me, ironically, by one of my friends.

Her name is Charis.

Her hubby just graduated from the seminary this past spring.

Prior to graduation from BBS, for any M. Div. student, is a year-long internship.

This means, you move.  {Most times} to a place you have never even heard of.  To live.  For an entire year.  To serve in a church full of people you don't know.  Away from family.  Friends.  And your favorite coffee shop.

Meaning?  You are bound to be lonely.

Which she was.  

Charis was lonely.

She shared her story with me after their internship had been completed.  Here's the basic lesson:

*** ***

During her internship, she had an eye-opening phone conversation with her mother.

Charis was explaining how alone she had been feeling lately.

Which had recently caused her to make phone calls to various women in the church.

Only to discover that those women had deep, great, and immense needs.

Charis felt blessed to be able to help these women out.

Which in turn, helped to ease some of the loneliness.

Theirs AND hers.

{Here's the kicker:}

Her mother pointed out that had she been content and comfortable with a group of close-knit friends surrounding her - she never would have felt the intense need to reach out and meet some very real needs in the lives of others.

The Lord used her feeling of loneliness {that sad and depressing feeling} as a tool.

A tool with which to accomplish His purposes,
for His glory, during that year.

 *** ***

That truth almost knocked me off my chair.

And I cried.

Because I instantly saw that truth displayed in my life.

It was as if a movie-reel began playing in my head.

Of my life in the past.

And I could see the hand of God using my loneliness as His tool throughout my life.

Sometimes the one thing we despise the most about our lives {or feel the most uncomfortable with - or the most unhappy with} is the one tool God uses in our lives to accomplish His will and way for His glory!

Philippians 2:13
...for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure."

This does NOT mean it makes the loneliness feel better.

Or that you'll never feel lonely again.

Because you will.

But what this truth DOES do, is give you a proper perspective on the things that make your life miserable.

It helps you realize that the misery is not the end-result of what ails you.

The purpose is that God wants to use YOUR life for His glory!
Wow.
What a rush!

The loneliness may still sting.
But the sweetness of His truth will calm the burn.

Who will you be a blessing to today?

I'm linked up today at these great blogs!

the paradox of planning and spontaneity

...Many good things do not happen in our lives for the simple lack of planning.

Consultants get paid thousands of dollars to tell executives the obvious, because the obvious is neglected.  It's the same with all of us.  We fail to do what's best for us for lack of serious intention to do it.  Another name for serious intention is planning.  Most Christians neglect their Bibles not out of conscious disloyalty to Jesus, but because of failure to plan a time and place and method to read it.

The result is not spontaneity, but the same old rut.  If your longing is to be spontaneous in the way you commune with God, then build discipline into your Bible reading and prayer.  It sounds paradoxical.  But it's not more so than the paradox of corn spontaneously growing in a Minnesota field because the farmer's discipline of plowing and sowing and guarding the field.  He doesn't make the corn grow.  God does.  But God uses his farming disciplines as part of the process.  The rich fruit of spontaneity grows in the garden that is well tended by the discipline of schedule.

-John Piper

When I Don't Desire God: How to Fight for Joy

you're not a mistake

Annaleigh is in love with mud puddles.

I've started walking, regularly, while pushing Annaleigh in her stroller, in an attempt to help my body endure the impending labor and delivery of my son (the sweet little champ is due in August).  Clearly, this new exercise regime {can I call it that?  I mean, I do break into a sweat, in spite of my slow-waddling-like gait} is not meant to get me skinny.  Because let's face it, with about 2 months to go, I'm not about to get any thinner!  All that walking has made me feel better, healthier.  And I think those exercise endorphins are finally starting to work.  Which is a good thing, because...

I remember reading somewhere {don't ask me where} that a girl's self-esteem is learned from her mother.  More specifically, if a mother owns a positive self-image, then, so too, will her daughter learn to have her own positive self-image.

That spoke volumes to me when I came across it.  Seeing as I have a daughter AND a lower view of myself than I ought {at least, according to my husband...he's such a sweetie, isn't he?...}

Today, during my quiet time, I came across Isaiah 45:9 and Psalm 139:13-18.  Isaiah speaks of the imminent woe that comes to the creation when it questions it's Creator.  Psalms speaks of God's specific purpose for, and formation of, me {and you}.

Most days, {because of that curséd mirror} I don't feel that I am made according to God's perfect design - my strengths, my talents and even my limitations {all that cellulite! when the heck did that happen??}

Shame on me! I thought, as the conviction fell upon my heart:  Why do I question God's craftsmanship?  Who am I that I should challenge my Maker's design??

It's so easy, though, to lose perspective when we live in a society that has the goal to make you feel unsatisfied with your life and everything in it.  And most days, for me anyway, the category most affected is my body image.

The moral of my story?

The image that God sees in me, the one that He made, should be the driving force behind my healthy habits.  It shouldn't be how I view myself {away with you, you big ole butt! hello sweet-looking legs...}, because I see with imperfect and finite eyes.  My driving force shouldn't even be the "visual" results {or lack, thereof...} 

I need to work hard to keep the body that God has "intricately woven", healthy; I need to be a good steward of His gifts.  I need to start appreciating the creation that I am:  a creation that was made in the image of God.

Hey, beautiful.  Did you forget that?  That's right.  You were made in the image of God.  So learn to love yourself.  Because God loves you.  And He doesn't make mistakes...

I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows it very well.

Psalm 139:14-15

I'm linked up over at Time-Warp Wife for:

Come join us!

the theology of fun

Spontaneous.

Flexibility.

Unscheduled.

Throwing your cares into the wind!

Those words are what come to my mind as the basic creed of fun.

Don't believe me?

Then lets take a short trip into the abyss of your memory.

Think of the last time you had fun.

Like really had fun.

Are you remembering?

Now tell me...

...was it an activity that seemed to develop on a whim?  Spur of the moment?

Did you let certain things just roll off your back?  

Did you disregard your basic plan for the day?

Did the things that {you thought} were important, all of sudden, not matter?

hhmmmm...?

I grew up in a home that was quite orderly.  Life was maintained by plans, schedules, and routine.  Participating in an activity required a "counting-the-cost" session:  deciding if such exertion was worth it.  Will it exhaust me?  How long will it take to get there?  How long will we be there?  What time we will get home?  When will the little ones get their nap?  What will we eat?  etc...{you get the idea...}

And I had intrinsically developed such a way of life for myself. 

Until I met Mike.

While dating, I was big into 'proving my worth' as a future wife.  So naturally, I enjoyed cooking for him.  One particular Friday night, I suggested he come over early in the morning and I would make him pancakes for breakfast.  I joked, saying, we could even go buy some "real" Vermont syrup from the store to drown our pancakes in.

"Why not just drive to Vermont, find a "mom & pop" diner off the highway, order some pancakes, and drown them in "real" Vermont syrup, while in Vermont?" Mike suggested.

And can I tell you?  That was one of the most fun times we have ever shared together.
I still smile when I think about it.  

Mike and I have, since then, created a ton more spur-of-the-moment-memories.  

All based on spontaneity, flexibility and my "Day|Runner" left in the dust.  

And if you think about it some more...all those fun things you sat around and "planned" and "mapped" out, don't usually turn out so great.  They find a way to disappoint and discourage.  Because, it never goes the way your head thought it was going to go.  The drive home is filled with moping and complaining.  True? 

So let me leave you with this...

...it's all about the process not the product.

If it comes to your mind, stop thinking and go do it!

The memories will you create and the fun you will have will be worth all the possible "costs" involved.
Trust me.

 Just like my idea to go strawberry picking this morning.
It. was. SO. much. fun!