An answer to prayer:
(16)And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following
after thee: for whiter thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will
lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God, my God. (17)Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the LORD do so to me, and more also, if
ought but death part thee and me. Ruth 1:16-17
After being blessed with a church filled with amazing teachers of God's Word, I have been guided toward a greater understanding on the idea of context. To the point where I chant, "Context is king" on a regular basis. So I am not one, these days, to pull verses out of the Bible and use them as my own personal "catch-phrase theology" (knowing that this practice is dangerously common and a severe perversement of Scripture. But I digress). However, the above verses were a solidification of God's will for my life.
To be Michael's wife.
No one can quite understand this path of life upon which God has chosen to place me (unless, of course, you are a fellow wife of a seminary student). I'm sure you can sympathize, and play that role well, but not to the extent of knowing what it's like to walk in my shoes.
The blessing. The struggle. The unknown.
To ultimately become a pastor's wife is extensively frightening to me. I've found myself, on more than one occasion, hyperventilating upon that very thought. Although there are some courageous women out there who feel led to fill such a position, I, on the other hand, would desire nothing more than to "jump-the-tracks" (so to speak) and find a different course of life. But the will of God gently whispers otherwise and guides me forward.
Hence, my current life in PA.
Please, do not mistake my fear for lack of joy. This is not the case and couldn't be farther from the truth. There is something 'magical' about seeing the love of your life fulfilled and satisfied as he goes about his daily business. I would trade my last breath for Mike to forever have that "look" rest upon his face and in his eyes. It's a look of peace and rest amidst the craziest schedule one could ever conjure up.
Speaking of crazy...that's what it is. I barely see my husband. He goes all day and all night, without one moment of rest or fulfilling any fun-filled selfish desire (other than eating dinner, and even then, he's studying his Hebrew flash cards). If it wasn't for my Lord constantly reminding me to serve Him first (in order to ultimately serve my husband), I would be a very bitter woman by now. But praise God, through His strength, I do my best to bring my hubby warm brownies accompanied with a tall glass of cold milk as he pounds out the 5th paper for the day, or comes close to achieving the required reading of 100 pages for that night after attending his classes and then working a full day. All the while, intensely attempting to hold open the eyes that have become increasingly blood-shot as the hours drag on. He burns his candle at both ends without a complaint. He works hard and still manages to get amazing grades (he currently holds a cumulative GPA of 3.8).
But do I feel neglected? At times, yes. Does my selfishness of wanting my husband's attention for longer than a quick goodbye kiss rise up in me? Of course. Do I want to cry and scream, "It's not fair!"? Sure. But do I blame him? Absolutely not. It's a time of stretching for both of us. We are both being formed into the image of Christ with each new semester. Our lives are not our own. It all belongs to Him. The blessings. The struggles. The unknown. All controlled by a sovereign and loving God.
If this is the life that the Lord has ask me to live, then who am I to tell him He was mistaken?
I count it all joy to be married to a man who is dedicated to serve the Lord with all his heart. Meaning? Michael will serve the Lord before he serves me. I'm proud to be the lady who gets to kiss his cheek as I lay his cup of coffee to rest amidst a pile of library books and scattered notes.
Who could ask for more?
Certainly not me.
I am Michael's wife.
The Lord told me so.
I would have it no other way.