Thursday, December 13, 2012

half-way there

5 months down.
5 months to go....until graduation.

It's hard to believe that Mike and I are half-way through this adventure called: internship.

As I look out our kitchen window, I suddenly recognize a familiar feeling I had forgotten and never imagined I feel again so soon.  The feeling of home.  The feeling of belonging.

And then the thought crept into my mind, as if a robber to steal this most recent and precious possession: our time here is temporary.  Then I remembered another feeling.  One that seems to have just healed...and begins to tear at my heart a little.  The feeling of change.  And the realization, we will move again.  I will pack up our things and our family again.  I will have to say goodbye to those I love again.  We will have to drive away, and not return....again.

The mystery of these feelings baffles me.  I can't make them out.  Creating a difficulty, within my mind, to understand.

Wasn't this the place of brokenness as I learned to trust my Savior more?  Wasn't this the place of tears and loneliness?  And now I crave to stay?  To remain?  To always cook scrambled eggs on this stove for those sweet babies of mine?

As I sit and type, I can honestly say this internship experience cannot be clearly and concisely explained.  I have learned so much, been through so much, felt so much. That's one reason why I have not written about it much.  It's exists in such a pure and raw form inside my head.  It rolls around and around, desperately wanting to come out, but just doesn't know how...yet.

But what I do know is this:

God loves me.
I trust Him.

So right now.  That's enough for me.

And yet....isn't that always enough?
the view from my window: the church parking lot in the early morning

1 comment:

Love is to the heart what the summer is to the farmer's year - it brings to harvest all the loveliest flowers of the soul. -Unknown