dear john david

Your Mama hasn't written to you much on this here blog. But it's for good reason. Since the day you were born, I've spent most of my days hugging and kissing on you.  You are my sweet distraction. I also have an obsession with baby cheeks.  While I was pregnant, I prayed you'd have a perfect set of them.  And my prayers were answered. And distract me all the more.

But that doesn't mean all the wonderful things you do pass by me without notice.  No sir.  I keep a journal for you.  And I quickly write down all the snippets of your life so I can be sure the special baby you are is recorded for all time.  

My love for you runs deep, my boy.

I was always been told that there is a special and mysterious bond between a son and his mother.  I have found it to be true.  

The moment you were born, a tender spot was created and nuzzled inside just for you. 

You are my "bubba"; my "monster man".  You are a boy through and through.  The sweetest terror on two feet. You love sports.  You love footballs, baseballs, basketballs, hockey pucks, and golf clubs.  And anything has the potential to become an airborne torpedo. You eat food as if it would no longer exist tomorrow.  Except pancakes and scrambled eggs.  Those food items you could always do without.

You are a goofball.  Always teasing.  Always laughing.  Always finding trouble. Terrorizing your sister...and blaming it on her.   Hoping someone will tackle you to the ground and wrestle. 

Your first teeth came in late.  Exactly one week prior to your first birthday. And now you have 10! 

And you still haven't uttered a single word.  {Although I firmly believe you say "aaa-ma" for "Mama".}  You prefer to point and grunt.  I mean, why change?  Everyone around you understands exactly what you mean.

Although I would consider you a "classic" boy, you are extremely tender.  Your feelings get hurt easy and you can't stand it when you don't accomplish things after your first try.  You rip at your shirt hulk-style when you get mad. And nearly faint from forgetting to breathe.

But it's easy to get you to laugh smile and forget what the fuss was all about.

You are loyal to those you love.  And worship your sissy.  You copy your sissy.  And you hate to be without her. She is your rock-star.

You never sit still.  And cuddle-time is rare.  So forgive me when I rejoice in the times your are sick.  It's really the only time you want to snuggle.  Most days, when I try to create snuggling-opportunities, you see it as a chance to turn me into your personal human jungle-gym.

You bring me immeasurable joy.  Joy I didn't even know I needed in my life.  And I need you in my life, sweet boy.   Whenever I'm sad and forget what this life is all about, I simply gaze into those brown eyes of yours and my heart skips a beat.  I become warm all over.  And I'm instantly mesmerized by your love.  

You are so special. You belong here with us. I love you.  More than you will ever know.

And I'm so glad you are mine.

my 10-month-old little man

Dear John David,

Can it really be 10 months already?

I know everyone says it about their babies, but,

it went too quickly!

Wasn't it yesterday I could only dream of what your handsome little face would look like?

And now?  Today?

You eat every kind of solid food and get irritated when we attempt to use up feed you food from a jar.

In spite of the fact that you still remain toothless.

You insecurely stand in your crib and give me daily heart attacks while you smile so proud.

You locate your lost paci and single-handedly place it back in your mouth.

You think your sissy is a rock star.

You join in on the nightly bed-bouncing-ritual.

You want to crawl so badly.  You are SO close!  Until then, you roll.

You hit everything against your head.  You use your fist when there is nothing else.  It makes you laugh.

You also think it's funny to have things thrown at you.  Even better when they hit you.

You bang toys.  The louder, the better.

You throw toys.  The harder, the better.

There are no doubts you are a boy.

You main form of communication is whining. {We're working on this...}

When you aren't whining, you are a happy boy.

People know you by your big smiles.

You are Mommy's boy.  I can't put you down.  

You are the biggest snuggle-bug.

Your laughter is contagious.

Your spirit strong, yet gentle.

It's hard to believe you'll be a one-year-old in 2 months.

But even harder to imagine what our little life would be like without you.

I'm so thankful our Heavenly Father sent you to us.

Our lives are filled with that much more joy...

...because of you.

I love you, my sweet "Bubba"...

...a bushel and peck.

You bet your purdy neck, I do...

an orange popsicle

75°
Partly sunny(!), warm and humid.
Played "golf" with Annaleigh
while JD rolled all over the back porch.


linked up with...

two is twice as better

I was very pregnant with John David, as I sat and rocked my sweet little girl to bed that night, with hot tears streaming down my face.  I could hear the heaviness of her breath.  I felt her golden strands of hair-silk between my fingers.  I could smell the lavender baby bath still moist on her skin.  

Rocking her to sleep is a nightly ritual I enjoy {and need} more than Annaleigh ever has.  Sure, she likes this special time with just Mommy after a fun-filled day of coloring and kisses.  But it was me who loved it most.

And I was so scared.  Scared to have this baby.  Scared that it would change it all.  Scared to loose such sweetness between her and I.

I was actually jealous for Annaleigh.  Jealous that "her and Mommy" would soon become "her, the baby, and Mommy".  That we would have to share each other.  Split our time.  And go without.

I can't even begin to describe to you that pain of borrowing that trouble.  Of imagining how such joy could create such sadness.

I wanted to be a mother of two....more than anything.  But I also mourned being a mommy of one.

But last night, as I sat in that glider, I rocked my boy.  My second child.  With hot tears streaming down my face.  I could hear the heaviness of his breath.  Feel his tired body sinking into mine.  And smell his sweet baby skin as he drifted off to sleep.

John David's birth didn't strip me of love.  It added to it.  A hundred fold.  The sadness I allowed to consume my heart was all in vain.  Ignorant vain.  I was scared, not knowing I'd want this.  That I'd really want it.  That I'd actually enjoy my life being changed.  That I would gain such immeasurable sweetness.  Instead of splitting my time, I'd be getting more of it.  

Days and nights filled with more love, more snuggles, more kisses, more hugs, more of everything.  How could I have dared to live without it? 

It's true what they say, that the heart is a big place.  Annaleigh still gets all of me.  I still sift fingers through hair and sing songs of lullabies.  It's just that now?  I get to do it twice.

72°

Cloudy

But wonderfully and perfectly warm enough to spend all day outside and taking a walk around the neighborhood!  Eating our lunch outside happened, too!

"the" picture

Each intern must submit a picture of himself and his family to the seminary to be used in the newsletters, for the intern display board, and other various publications.  And this is the one we chose.  It was the picture we had taken on Easter morning.

Taking a picture with two littles can be such a challenge!  This is the best one we could get, despite the fact that little miss refused to look at the camera.  All the other shots had her face turned away as she rested her head on Mike's shoulder {or was crying} while John David continued to make the craziest-looking scowls.  But all in all, I think it turned out great = an up-to-date and {mostly} happy picture of our sweet little family!

70°!!!
It's raining this morning at 9AM.
The forecast predicts sunshine.
Here's hoping that's true.
We want to be able to play outside!

my new mother/child necklace

photo credit

When Annaleigh was around 10 months old {give or take a lot, my memory is momentarily failing me} I got a mother's necklace.  And not just any mother's necklace.  It was the exact kind I had created in my mind.  I thought it very fitting {and talented} for a company to pre-design my dream necklace directly from inside my head without me saying so much as one word.  {I had seen Katherine Heigl wearing a necklace, in her movie 27 dresses, that I just had. to. have...so I figured when I bought a mother's necklace, it would have a similar look.}

Me wearing
'the necklace'
July 2011

When I came across the website lifetimemothers.com, I was ecstatic.  It had a mother's necklace that captured the perfect essence of Katherine's necklace!  I purchased it with a December birthstone (only the charm...I already owned a 16" gold chain) and about a week later, it hung proudly around my neck.  {click HERE for a closer look} And I l.o.v.e.d it.

So naturally, when JD was born, I wanted to add to it.  Only to discover that the charms {JUST the charm} more than doubled in cost over the course of about 1 year.  more than DOUBLED!?  I got mad.  I got angry.  I got frustrated.  And then I was terribly sad.  To find perfection.  To own perfection.  And then to "lose" perfection.  {Because, there is NO WAY I'm paying what they charge...RI-DIC-U-LOUS.  They aren't worth that much.  Apparently, perfection isn't that important to me....}

So I swallowed my disappointment....hard.  And decided I should find something else just as meaningful and yet, would fit our budget.  {And future budget, if the Lord so wills our family to grow.}

I read the NieNie dialogues.  Love her.  Love her blog.  Love her writing.  Love her strength.  And she has given a shout out to the Vintage Pearl, now and again.  She owns a few pieces and swears by them.  I've always thought their items were delicate and beautiful.  So I checked out their product and prices with honest-to-goodness-intent {rather than saying, sure, they're pretty, but I won't ever own one of their pieces}.  

The result is obvious.

I ended up choosing a hammered circle charm with the letter "j" on a 16" chain, and I added a hammered flower charm with the letter "a".

And the total cost?  $45 {for the necklace, pearl, and 2 charms}

To me?  That's not that bad in a comparative sense.  And it's a special memento.  Things that matter are more than just things.  And those things are worth the $45 {but apparently NOT worth $179...haha}.

It's not my original necklace.  But it's still strikingly beautiful.  I love wearing it.  I love knowing my children's initials are strung around my neck.  I love "feeling" them with me wherever I go.  And it makes me smile.  And isn't that the point of great jewelry, anyway? 

As for 'the necklace'...I will wear it from time to time.  But it feels incomplete.  Like I'm denying the existence of my son.  Yet, it will still hold the special memory of the budding love for my children which began with Annaleigh.  Who knew a mother's love could grow so big inside a heart that it easily pours into those two small hearts I call my "babies"?  And that makes me smile all the more.