the only thing that matters

So, I have a confession to make.
I figure if I'm honest with you, I have to be honest with myself.
It's hard to be honest with yourself.

Have you ever tried it?
Well, it's hard.
Harder than hard.

Because it means looking in the mirror to see the good and the bad.
And sometimes the good is the bad.
And sometimes the bad is very bad.
But I am certain this confession will, in no way, be surprising.
From what I understand, it's something with which most struggle.

I am not faithful to God.

Ouch.
Phew. That was hard.
Harder than hard.

But to see it?
See it in written form?
That's way hard.

But God...

But God is faithful.

He prods.

He whispers.

He encourages.

He loves.

He guides.

And He waits.

How faithful are you to God?
Because like I said, I'm not.

And I want to be.
More than my next breath.
More than my life.
More than anything.
I long to be faithful.
To live for Him alone.
To push self aside.
To die to self.
To love Him more than me.

But is it enough to have good intentions?
To simply think about living for God?
Most assuredly not.

So why do I do it?
Everyday.
Think about living for God.
And then justify it?

I must actively do it.
I must be faithful.
It's the only thing that matters.

Today, I will keep committing, again and again, to be faithful to my Lord.
To read His Word.
To speak with Him, constantly.
To know Him more.

It's way hard.
But it's the only thing that matters.